1.) Who do you turn to most for babysitting?
A. Your parents. After they’ve taken the required CPR classes.
B. A responsible teenager who lives in your building.
C. Your neighbor’s friend’s elderly aunt, who said she’d stay with your kids for free as long as she can watch her “stories.”
2.) Which location do you choose for your first date night?
A. A Chinese take-out place across the street from your house.
B. A nice place up to a half hour away from home.
C. It’s been a while since you crossed the border. Hey, you’re not paying the sitter by the hour.
3.) What numbers do you leave behind for the sitter?
A. Poison control, the pediatrician, the local ER, all family members within a 20 mile radius, and the SPCA.
B. Your cell.
C. The local pizza place.
4.) What is your exit strategy for leaving the house?
A. Accidentally say “goodbye” to your kids and spend the next half hour trying to pry their sobbing arms from your torso.
B. Slip out the front door while they are distracted by “Winnie the Pooh.”
C. Initiate a game of “Hide and Seek,” then sneak down the fire escape while they count to 100.
5.) During dinner, how often do you check in with the babysitter?
A. Every 10 minutes. Disaster can strike at any moment.
B. Once, after dinner, to make sure the house is still standing.
C. One of these days you’ll put the babysitter’s number in your phone.
6.) How do you manage alcohol consumption while nursing?
A. No, thanks. You don’t want to pump and dump that precious liquid gold.
B. One glass of wine early in the night.
C. Bottoms up. Those cups aren’t going to flip themselves.
7.) How often are you able to have a night out?
A. Only when your brother guilts you into attending his wedding.
B. Once a month, so you can reconnect as a couple.
C. Every Saturday night. And for Tequila Tuesdays. And Thirsty Thursdays.
Mostly A’s: Rookie Mistakes– You will spend most of your date night watching your kids on your Baby Monitor iPhone app. What a waste of perfectly good $15/hour free time.
Mostly B’s: Date Night Connoisseurs– You have a firm grasp on how to meet both yours and your children’s needs. However, people are fed up with your smug perfectionism and don’t want to baby-sit for you.
Mostly C’s: Kids? What kids?– While the kids are away, Mommy and Daddy are going to relive their college days. You know what’s great for a hangover? A screaming baby.