Confession time: I’m a little bit overweight.

I know, I know, you’re shocked. I hide it so well, right? Through smoke and mirrors (and a sizable collection of knit ponchos), I’m able to keep my protruding belly under wraps, distract from my thigh overlap, and mask my flappy arm chub. And no one is the wiser!

Losing weight seems to be in direct conflict with my love of eating peanut butter straight from the jar, and my hatred of elevating my heart rate. Instead, I’ve taken a page from pregnant sitcom stars who employ increasingly creative and desperate methods to disguise their changing body from an unsuspecting public: