Me: Aw, that’s so sweet. I’m totally craving burritos.
Husband: I made steak.
Me: Steak burritos?
Husband: No, just steak.
Me: (pause) That sounds great too.
Husband: (taking off my coat) You look nice. I love your…oversized…raggy sweatshirt…thing.
Husband: I didn’t know they still made R.E.O. Speedwagon gear.
Me: It’s the only thing that fits.
Husband: You look great in it. Glowing.
Me: How soon ‘til dinner?
Husband: Almost done. Um, I think a piece of your sleeve just fell off.
Husband: Okay, dinner is served.
Me: No wine?
Husband: You can’t drink, so what’s the point?
Me: I can look at it. I can smell it.
Husband: It seemed silly to pay $15 for something you can’t consume.
Me: $15? Who am I, the Queen of England? (taking a bite of steak) It seems a bit well-done.
Husband: I know, but you can’t have undercooked meat.
Me: But your steak is rare.
Husband: That’s because I like my steak delicious.
Me: Trade ‘em up, buster.
Husband: But the baby-
Me: Baby, schmaby. Mama wants some bloody cow. (eats husband’s steak). Delicious, Honey.
Husband: So, for dessert, I figured we’d split a piece of pie a la mode.
Me: (blank stare)
Husband: And by “split,” I mean, “each get our own piece, with an extra one to pick off of.”
Me: Hooray, pie!
Husband: So…the baby’s still asleep. You know what that means…
Me: Foot rub?
Husband: Um, yessss. The one part of you I was really looking forward to touching was your foot. Fine. Okay. (starts rubbing feet) You know you have a hole in your sock, right?
Me: I haven’t seen my feet in about three months. I could have a hole in my actual foot and have no idea.
Husband: Seriously, though. The entire bottom of your sock has dissolved. How can you not feel this?
Me: My boots cut off the circulation in my feet.
Husband: Perhaps we should put the $15 wine money toward new boots.
Me: Or you could rub my feet more.
Husband: (ignoring request) Want to watch a movie?
Me: Nah, too tired. Something shorter, like one of the tv shows we DVR’ed six months ago and never watched?
Husband: I have something better in mind. (pulls out phone)
(Watch video of our daughter spinning in a circle while singing the “Map” song from Dora the Explorer)
Me: Best Valentine’s Day ever.