Husband: Hi, Hon. Happy Valentine’s Day. I made dinner.
Me: Aw, that’s so sweet. I’m totally craving burritos.
Husband: I made steak.
Me: Steak burritos?
Husband: No, just steak.
Me: (pause) That sounds great too.
Husband: (taking off my coat) You look nice. I love your…oversized…raggy sweatshirt…thing.
Husband: I didn’t know they still made R.E.O. Speedwagon gear.
Me: It’s the only thing that fits.
Husband: You look great in it. Glowing.
Me: How soon ‘til dinner?
Husband: Almost done. Um, I think a piece of your sleeve just fell off.
Husband: Okay, dinner is served.
Me: No wine?
Husband: You can’t drink, so what’s the point?
Me: I can look at it. I can smell it.
Husband: It seemed silly to pay $15 for something you can’t consume.
Me: $15? Who am I, the Queen of England? (taking a bite of steak) It seems a bit well-done.
Husband: I know, but you can’t have undercooked meat.
Me: But your steak is rare.
Husband: That’s because I like my steak delicious.
Me: Trade ‘em up, buster.
Husband: But the baby-
Me: Baby, schmaby. Mama wants some bloody cow. (eats husband’s steak). Delicious, Honey.
Husband: So, for dessert, I figured we’d split a piece of pie a la mode.
Me: (blank stare)
Husband: And by “split,” I mean, “each get our own piece, with an extra one to pick off of.”
Me: Hooray, pie!
Husband: So…the baby’s still asleep. You know what that means…
Me: Foot rub?
Husband: Um, yessss. The one part of you I was really looking forward to touching was your foot. Fine. Okay. (starts rubbing feet) You know you have a hole in your sock, right?
Me: I haven’t seen my feet in about three months. I could have a hole in my actual foot and have no idea.
Husband: Seriously, though. The entire bottom of your sock has dissolved. How can you not feel this?
Me: My boots cut off the circulation in my feet.
Husband: Perhaps we should put the $15 wine money toward new boots.
Me: Or you could rub my feet more.
Husband: (ignoring request) Want to watch a movie?
Me: Nah, too tired. Something shorter, like one of the tv shows we DVR’ed six months ago and never watched?
Husband: I have something better in mind. (pulls out phone)
(Watch video of our daughter spinning in a circle while singing the “Map” song from Dora the Explorer)
Me: Best Valentine’s Day ever.
I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map
Sent from my iPhone
It gets in your head…and never leaves.
If you haven’t seen this yet you should. Map gets what he deserves. http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6789072/dora-the-explorer-movie-trailer-with-ariel-winter
Hilarious. It actually made Dora seem tolerable. Thanks for sharing.
Very funny! (except for the bloody cow part 😦 )
The bloody cow part was written with you in mind.
Great scene…happy valentines !!